I have been without the use of my camera for a good bit, a small part of why I have been absent here. The camera is a poor damaged but plucky little thing, still working, sometimes with great results, in spite of the plunge to pavement that bent the frame roughly 2 years ago. Another such wallop broke the little door that covers battery and memory card, the little door the camera requires to be shut in order to function. Hair bands are handy for that in a pinch. Plucky little camera has also sat in the rain, and been unjustly jostled many times over. She keeps on snapping shots, though, but not always able to synch flash with shutter. The first such misfire resulted in a kind of nifty night sky over the cove shot I'll have to see if I can find. Usually though, that out of synch stuff gets me just black space. As the guilty party absentmindedly abusing the camera, I cannot complain. The dumb thing I did last was pocket the camera as I climbed into my car. Camera promptly jumped out of my pocket and dove deep down between center console and driver's seat, that black hole of a space which does not readily give up it's swallowed treasures like the little bitty door the hair band could not hold in the dive. Weather was quite cold when that happened and I did not have the gumption to contort myself as needed in the frigid air. For a couple months now I've made do with iPad mini, which seriously sucks at photography.
A few days ago, I had to to say goodbye to a treasured friend as she moves on to a new life without me, an act that caused (and continues to cause) me intense sadness, a rip my heart out kick in the gut kind of sadness, the kind of sadness that grabs your brain and distorts reality through a fog of grief that either swallows you into its own kind of black hole or that makes you grab hold of something to stop the sucking swirl.
I grabbed onto the camera.
Deep under the driver's seat and under the carpet through a cut in that carpet the manufacturer made for gawed knows why, my fingers fumbled and finally felt that little bitty essential piece of camera. A tiny triumph that gives me a focus other than that sadness, that tucks the sad into a manageable space.
I can take pictures again, pictures that are not fuzzy or too dark or too bright or any of the other myriad of messes the sorry ass iPad mini camera makes. Taking pictures is just a hobby at which I am not all that skilled. But when I make a new hat or catch the dogs being silly, the rabbits being cute, tiny little life being amazing, I want to keep the moment as well as share the smile with you. That's what my plucky little camera can do: a quick little capture of something that however briefly matters to me.